I’ve been trying to figure it all out in my head this week. After what has happened with the world race, I feel like I have come full circle and am back at point A. This week has been one emotional roller-coaster ride and I am beat. Thank you Father, for the blessed Sabbath just around the corner.
It’s been a really difficult thing for me to let go of the world race. I was so ready to go and leave it all behind. I know that there are a few people in my life who don’t understand my reason for wanting to go; then there are a few who don’t understand my reason for staying and then there are the others, whose silence speaks volumes. It’s just about figuring out what the silence says exactly. Does it equal ‘I’m giving you space’ or ‘I literally could not care less?’ But then, I stop myself. Why does this matter to me? Why am I doing this to myself? Worrying about what the people in my life think about me, or don’t think about me. Wondering if they care. It’s so silly and a complete waste of time.
This week I realised that I don’t want to let my circumstances make me bitter. I don’t want to be one of those people who allow themselves to be so hardened by life, that they are just so unpleasant to be around. I really don’t want to wallow in my own pity, but sometimes I struggle with this. Sometimes I want someone to say, “Shame, poor you.” It’s the ugly truth about me, but I am working on it.
Another thing that I am working on, is trusting the Father. Having hope that just because He said no now, doesn’t mean that my life is one big no. I love Him and so I have to believe that He will work it all out for the good. I have to believe that His plan for my life is greater than my own, because it honestly is. He has shown me that over and over again. Even though I may not always understand His ways, I still cling to Him, have faith in Him and believe in Him; because He is the anchor of my soul, my everlasting hope and my salvation. So, it’s OK if people don’t understand, because to be honest, I don’t really either. It is OK if they don’t tell me what I need to hear, or if they don’t say anything at all, because He knows and He understands. It’s OK if even the people closest to me don’t know the road I have walked. It doesn’t matter, because we are all complex beings walking a journey that most times people don’t understand and that too, is OK.
The beautiful thing is that you are never alone, even when there is no one around. The Father is always always there, holding your hand, carrying you and oftentimes, running with you and delighting in you. And sometimes He will bring someone you least expect to walk a mile or two with you. To laugh with you, cry with you and encourage you. And sometimes He doesn’t bring anyone at all, not because He doesn’t love you but because He does. He wants to be that One for you. He wants to be your pillar of strength, Lover of your soul; so sometimes He simply removes the noise so that He can sit quietly with you and whisper sweet nothings directly into your heart.
So no matter what you face in life, whether you’re walking through the valley of shadows, trying to stay aboard on tumultuous seas or whether you’re in the wilderness, hungry and parched and afraid; take heart, because in every season He is still God.