It’s been a strange sort of week. One that has left my brain a little muddled and clouded. Firstly, I locked myself in my bedroom. Literally! And had to have a locksmith come and rescue me. It was a bit of a disappointing experience. I’ve always hoped for a knight in shining armour to clamour up the tall tower I was being held captive in and free me, but it just wasn’t what I had in mind, and I’ll give you three reasons why.
1. He arrived in a boring vehicle and not on a valiant steed
2. He didn’t even ask me to let down my long hair, but instead used his nifty ladder to climb in over the balcony.
3. And third, he charged me for it. He brought a portable card machine and demanded that I pay there and then.
So needless to say, I’ve given up on the prince charming idea…for now at least.
But as I was saying, this week has been strange. I feel so lost in thought. I’ve written previously on trying to be grateful and to change my perspective on things, but I have to admit, it’s been hard this week. This year I told myself that I will be real with where I am at, and I think I’ve done ok; but it is difficult to find a good balance. You try to stay hopeful, when sometimes the situation seems hopeless. You pray to God, even though sometimes He feels so distant. He never is, but sometimes knowing and feeling are two different things. Being real can sometimes mean you end up dwelling in a place for too long, maybe sitting in a place of hurt, rejection, sadness for longer than you should. So this week, I’ve really been working towards balance. Being real, but not being lost in it. Takes practice though.
I think sometimes people view religion or Christianity as a weakness, as the easy way out. I beg to differ. Since accepting Yeshua, it has been probably the hardest time of my life. I know this may not be a good advertisement for it, but it is a real one. One that I have no plans to go back on, or one where I know deep within my very being will be worth it. I am not here to say that I am strong, because I am weak, but I know His strength is made perfect in my weakness. It is His strength that has brought me through this last year and a half, His strength that has allowed Him to purify and refine me. His strength that has allowed Him to work in places I have hidden, or was too afraid to deal with. And it is His strength that will bring me through this strange season of my life and the many seasons that will follow. It is because of Yahweh, that I have hope for the future. Look around you, life does not always seem hopeful. Thousands upon thousands of children, women, men are being trafficked worldwide, Thousands upon thousands of children, women, men are being imprisoned, beaten, killed for even owning a Bible. People think the days of the Holocaust are over..but are they really?
I am so tired of sitting quietly in a world that is silently screaming. People have become so closed off from what is really going on in this world. And I get it, it is sometimes easier to ignore because what else can we do? This problem is so much bigger than us, BUT THANK GOD, IT’S NOT BIGGER THAN HIM.
I don’t know, this wasn’t what I planned on writing about. But I don’t want to be numb to what is happening. And I have been, as have a lot of people. Things like this have been happening so frequently that we’ve become used to it. Sometimes we don’t even view it as wrong, or we think that as long as it doesn’t affect me directly, then I won’t worry about it.
I don’t sit here pretending that I have it all together, or that I am even capable of making a difference. I am very aware of the safe, small life that I lead, but I also know that I serve a strong, mighty God. A God of hope. A God that has changed lives so drastically that people would rather die for Him than deny Him. Doesn’t that make you wonder who He is, because I know Him and believe in Him, and yet it even makes me wonder.
And so I choose hope, and I choose faith, I choose healing.
I choose life